recently i discovered a pile of bird poo on a pathway, naturally that meant a bird nest was above and i should avoid walking directly beneath it. i looked up and i could see 4 little heads peering at me over the side of the nest. so damn cute. mum and dad came shortly after i wandered far away enough and i saw that it was a nest of swallows. uber damn cute.
as the pile of poo grew larger i got to see the heads get featherier and soon enough the littluns started venturing out save one. by this stage i had found another vantage point inside so as not to disturb the birds too much. one day as i stood for a moment and watched this last baby waiting for some grub to come flying home in the form of a parent feeding, i noticed some movement not 20 cm away. my attention turned to this movement and i noticed it was a black house spider. being a lover of all creatures i marvelled at its lovely web and such but then noticed it did something interesting. it looked like it stuck its bum end out of the web and did what looked like to be a poo. a stark white poo.
i’d never considered spiders doing poos before. ever. i know fish, cats, dogs, lizards, birds, turtles, caterpillars, snails etc do. i’ve seen them. but spiders? now i am aware that it may have been discarding of last night’s dinner wrapped up in fine silk but it totally looked like it was doing what those little birds had done these past few weeks. stuck its bum out and let it go.
unfortunately i wasn’t in a position to examine the offerings as i was inside a building, but had i been outside - i TOTALLY would have inspected it.
i’ve always theorised that a person hasn’t grown up until a child’s parent has called you a “man” or “lady” when you’re in the shops and the kid is being an kid, unaware of personal boundaries and on occasion, almost smacks right into you and they get a stern “mind the lady!” from mum.
it’s a defining moment.
so what happens when you’re called a lady by a drag queen?
at the feast festival opening last night there were two kids playing on an apple device (or similar) and i saw the emcee for the night trying to distract them by gently bopping them on the head with a balloon. the parents, queen and i were all amused at how long this went on for, the kids were TOTALLY engrossed in the game they were playing and oblivious to the surroundings. after quite some time one of the realised something was going on and turned around and got a bit of a startle when he saw who was doing it. the drag queen feigned responsibility and said “it wasn’t me! it was that lady” and thrust a finger in my direction. two little eyes turned towards me and i gave him a smile and nod, yes it WAS me…
then i turned to the drag queen and said “who are you calling a lady?” she looked at me, laughed and said something like “yeah i know, i could say the same thing about myself”.
it was a good moment.
i ain’t no damn lady. i haven’t growed up yet. surely.
check out this #cat i’m #growing. #theaud #neko #garden #homegrown (Taken with instagram)
i’ve come to the conclusion that most people who hold garage sales must not actually go to them. the biggest indicator is that they put teeny tiny signs out that are blink and you miss them. never mind trying to read what they say when you’re driving at 60 kph.
people, please, if you’re having a sale, clearly mark the way with BIG letters. and arrows. and addresses. and check your signs periodically for tools who point them the wrong way. and just because it has your address on it doesn’t mean i know your area.
the old addage of one man’s trash is another man’s treasure is not always true. sometimes trash is trash. price your goods to sell them. not to recoup what you paid for them in the first place.
and lastly. please make sure you bring your signs in when the sale is over.
monk is a cat. an old cat. he’s known several homes and has come to live with us in his ‘retirement’.
a former family of slaves came by this morning to drop off some gear on their way through to the airport. now monk _normally_ likes to try and escape out the front door if it is open, which is why i am a big insister on having the gate closed. he’s too old to jump over it. this morning was no different, he made his usual way to the front gate to see if by any chance someone was silly enough to leave it open…
that was until he saw the children.
apparently monk doesn’t like children and promptly ran back inside the house. i scooped him up so his former slaves could pay their hommage in pat form and he was trying to squirm his way out. normally he is a pat whore. he must really not like children. poor monky.
he’s over the ordeal now, fortunately. i can tell by the fact that he’s sleeping and purring (almost annoyingly loudly) on the bed.
do you ever get body damage that you can’t quite remember how it happened? more often than not for me, it’s a bruise. just a small one usually on the arm or leg, and for the life of me i can’t remember how it happened.
a few days ago i noticed a slight discomfort sensation on my butt cheek when in the shower, i just figured it was because i had the water ultra hot, cos that’s how i like my showers. well yesterday i actually craned my head around to see if there was any cause for the above mentioned discomfort because it had happened for 3 days running.
to my surprise there was a scratch an inch and a half long on my bum. i have no bloody idea how it got there since all nude bushwalking trips were cancelled this winter due to low enrollments.
there are two possible explanations that i can think of that don’t involve blind alien scientists.
1) that i had something sharp in my pocket that scratched me through my pants (which has happened before, rather nastily mind) or
2) that bloody cat audrey swiped my butt as i was walking past and got me through my clothes, probably pj’s and that given this is a regular occurrence my brain says ‘not important information’ and deletes the memory of all such attacks from my mind.
i’ll let you, gentle reader, decide which one is _most_ likely.
Low-temperature electron micrograph of a cluster of E. coli bacteria, magnified 10,000 times. Each individual bacterium is oblong shaped.
Side note: this bacteria is sadly famous in Germany, and Spain has been unjustly accused to be the origin of the epidemy, finally it had nothing to do with the German health crisis. We are always in eye of the huracan. Read more.
Source: Wikimedia Commons, File: E coli at 10000x, original.jpg
it’s no secret. i hate winter. i would much rather put up with several 40 degree days than one day of winter. below is my top 10 reasons why winter is horridible.
yes i wrote horridible on purpose.
10. the mirror fogs up - for longer
ok, so it’s a pretty fickle reason to hate winter, but it’s hard to make one’s self look pretty in the morning when one can’t see.
9. parts of my body go numb.
it’s true. during the winter my toes frequently go numb due to poor peripheral circulation.
8. the cats demand to sleep on the bed.
ordinarily this is not too bad, except these two cats hate each other, or more correctly, audrey hates monk and monk get shitted off with her attitude and says suck it up biatch. this cat conversation at 3 in the morning is unpleasant and sleep disturbing.
7. it’s hard to get to sleep.
shivering and trying to sleep just don’t go together. plus you tend to piss off the person next to you so they don’t sleep. the cat’s don’t seem to like it either.
6. it’s hard to get out of bed.
motivation in the morning is critical for preventing tardiness. too much tardy puts your cred at stake and makes you have to stay back later. a nice warm bed is a superior option than frosty floor boards.
5. you have to wear so many clothes you can’t walk.
if you’re anything like me, when the mercury falls below 20 degrees the layers start a pilin’ on. first the singlets, then the long sleeve shirts, then the short sleeve shirts over that, then the jumpers then the jackets. and that’s just to walk to the car from the front door. on a _really_ cold day the stockings go underneath the jeans too. it makes for walking about a bit awkward.
4. putting on weight.
let’s face it. would you rather go out and get frost bite while jogging or would you rather curl up on the couch in front of the tv with a nice warm heater, rug and movie? i know i’d pick the latter. what goes with movies? junk food. om nom nom.
3. it takes FOREVER for the clothes to dry.
i am quite anal about laundry. clothes should be washed with like colours, woollens should be done on the woollen cycle and clothes should always be hung out to dry inside out so they don’t fade. in the winter however, they are out for SO LONG because the sun just doesn’t have enough power to dry them that any exposed spots do fade - that or by the time you get home from work the sun has gone down and they are damp. the alternative to this is the inside of the house looking like a chinese laundry just to get them dry in 3 days and no fading.
2. energy bills
heating is damn expensive. i can go without aircon for quite some time, i cannot go without heat. i would expire.
and the number one reason…
1. YOUR TOWEL IS STILL WET THE NEXT MORNING!
no explanation required.
who needs a ball room?
put your advert here (Taken with Instagram at semaphore)